


Another Matter

by marinoxx



Series: No Laughing Matter [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Multi, no promises on update times ok, shady's back. back again. tell your friends, tags will update as I go, welcome back motherfuckers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 20:12:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6534739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marinoxx/pseuds/marinoxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The CONTINUATION AND FINALE of Matters of Perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, bienvenidos, and yookoso back.
> 
> This epilogue picks up right after chapter 10 of the last installment.
> 
> I'm using a random title generator for this chapter and will probably continue to use it for most all that follow. Cheers.

          Makoto groaned and squirmed in place as the telephone began to ring. “Haaaaaaru,” he moaned.

          “It’s probably my mom.” Haru’s words slurred together. “Or, I don’t know, your mom.” He made no visible effort to move.

          Makoto waited a few seconds before speaking again. “Well?”

          “Well what?”

          “Are you going to get it?”

          “You get it,” Haru muffled into Makoto’s shoulder, then gently bit into the flesh.

          Makoto pushed the abused shoulder closer to Haru’s face. “I like that.”

          “I know.”

          “But I can’t answer your phone like this,” Makoto protested. “What am I going to say? Pick up the phone and say oh, yeah, ‘hello, Nanase residence, Makoto speaking’? Your mom’s gonna know we...made love.”

          _Is that what you call it_ , Haru thought to himself. “She’s not gonna know.” Makoto could feel him rolling his eyes.

          “She’s totally gonna know. I’ve got that sexy gravelly thing going on with my voice. And what if it’s my mom? Come on, Haru, you lie better than I do.” Makoto frowned as the call went to voicemail. There was a moment of silence before the ringing began afresh.

          It was Haru’s turn to groan. “She’s not gonna know.”

          “Get the phone, Haru,” Makoto barked, slapping him off.

          Haru disengaged himself from Makoto’s warm crevices and grouched over to the receiver. Makoto rolled himself into a satisfied-looking burrito as Haru pressed the green CALL button.

          “Who is it,” Haru stated into the handset.

          “That’s how you answer the phone?!” Rin yelled. “Porpoises have better manners, you fucking cephalopod!”

          “Rin?” Haru grimaced and pulled on his favorite Fish Tale undergarments. “Why are you calling the house phone?”

          “I called your cell phone a bunch of times but it kept going to voicemail.”

          “It’s probably dead,” Haru reasoned, leaving the sanctuary of his bedroom and heading downstairs to pace the kitchen. “I haven’t charged it.”

          “You should already know why I’m calling,” Rin clucked tartly, “so get on with it and give me the deets.”

          “What?”

          “Come on, Nanase, get there faster,” retorted Rin. “It’s been four days. I know what you’ve been doing.”

          “Oh.” Haru picked up the kettle to prepare some tea. “Well. Yeah.”

          “Loquacious as usual,” Rin muttered. “Has Makoto even gone home since Thursday?”

          “Nah,” Haru responded. “We skipped school Friday. He’s got clean clothes here, so it’s not like he has to go home. Not that we’ve needed any clean clothes since Thursday.”

          “What did you guys tell his mom?”

          “Makoto texted her and said we were doing a movie trilogy marathon and he didn’t know when he’d be coming home. So far we’ve supposedly watched all of Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, the Matrix, Back to the Future, Toy Story--”

          “Yeah, okay, whatever.” Rin was audibly crunched on something. “That? I don’t need all of that. You know what I need?”

          “Deets,” Haru said as he put the kettle on to boil.

          “That’s right.”

          “I don’t kiss and tell,” Haru sniffed.

          “What?” Rin scoffed. “Yes you fucking do.”

          “Alright, yeah,” Haru chuckled. “I do.”

          Rin took a long drag on some kind of straw-imbued drink. “Okay. I’m ready.”

          “So did you know,” Haru cracked open his box of tea, “that Makoto bleaches his asshole?”

          “Obviously not,” Rin gleefully replied.

          “Waxed and bleached.” Haru enunciated every syllable. “Looks brand new. It’s like, the fucking Cadillac of asses.”

          “Don’t tell Rin about my anus!” Makoto’s voice echoed across the line. “That’s private information!”

          “Who was it that didn’t want to answer the call?!” Haru yelled. “Hang up the phone!”

          “Okay,” Makoto said, followed by silence.

          Haru pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned against the counter for a minute to recompose himself. “Ugh.”

          “Boy Wonder’s a stickybeak little bitch,” Rin cackled. “Does his ass taste like Pixie Stix too, or is that just his personality?”

          “You,” Haru measured out, “are rude.”

          “You didn’t answer the question,” Rin countered, enjoying some more of his drink.

          Haru took a deep breath. “It tastes like... Makoto, I can HEAR YOU BREATHING, GET OFF THE PHONE!”

“Fine, jeez,” Makoto muttered. Haru waited for the click until speaking again.

          “All right, he’s off.”

          “Shall we continue our conversation?” Rin inquired.

          “Yes, Rin.”

          “So,” Rin continued to crunch, “does it run like a Cadillac too?”

          Haru thought carefully about his response. “It runs,” he said, “like a Buick.”

          “Damn,” Rin munched reverently.

          “We were having dinner night before last,” Haru began, selecting two teabags from the box. “I’m sitting there enjoying my saba shioyaki, and then all of a sudden I’m sprawled out on the tatami, Makoto’s pants are hanging from my grandma’s lamp and he’s riding me with only those high black socks and the white dress shirt and the tie--”

          “You’re rustlin’ my jimmies, Haru,” wheezed Rin, choking on his chips or whatever snack he was eating.

          “I jizzed buckets,” Haru declared. “I jizzed rivers. I jizzed the entire Indian Ocean.”

          “The whole damn ocean?” Rin asked.

          “If you’re ever in Bangladesh and you see these tadpoles swimmin’ around in the water,” Haru uttered, “they’re not tadpoles. That was me. That’s my sperm.”

          “I’ll make a mental note not to drink the water in South Asia,” said Rin. “But uh, hey. Can I ask you a question?”

          “No,” replied Haru, pulling Makoto’s yellow mug from the cupboard.

          “Have you tried, like, _food_ in the bedroom?”

          “Not yet,” Haru answered. “But I don’t know. I don’t want to mess up the sheets or the flooring. Makoto does like chocolate, though, so maybe some sundae syrup or some fruit if we’re feeling, you know...exploratory.”

          “Okay, see,” Rin decried, “those are normal fucking choices when it comes to bedroom consumables. Don’t tell Sou that, though. His sexytime aphrodisiac of choice is motherfucking whiz cheese.”

          “That is,” Haru articulated, “possibly the nastiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

          “I guess because they both come in pressured cans he assumed it was just as good as whipped cream?” Rin chomped loudly as he ate. “Have you ever had goddamn whiz cheese on your dick? It sucks. You can’t wipe it off or nothing. It just sticks on there, like fucking Gollum, until you can get some hot water and soap on it. And he whips out the cheese every Friday night, like? I’ve told him a hundred times I hate it?? And he just keeps whizzing it out like toothpaste on whatever body part is closest. You know how many times I’ve been waiting there with my ass in the air, and he’s like ‘aw yeah babe, you look so good,’ and then there’s the fucking cheese, whizzing on my asshole? I can’t take it anymore, Haru, I swear to God--”

          “Have you ever considered,” Haru deliberated, “that you might have pissed him off?”

          Rin stopped chewing for a moment. “What gives you that idea?”

          Haru shrugged as he poured water over the teabags. “I mean, that sounds like a revenge tactic to me, but that’s just my...opinion, MAKOTO, THE SCREEN SAYS HANDSET 1 IN USE! THIS IS HANDSET 2! HANG! UP!”

          “I DON’T LIKE BEING EXCLUDED!” Makoto yelled from upstairs.

          “HANG UP!” A high-pitched whine filtered from the bedroom. “DON’T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!” Haru waited for the click and checked the screen before returning the phone to his ear. “He’s gone again. For now.”

          “I’m getting the feeling,” growled Rin, “that this line is not secure.”

          “Calm down.” Haru smiled to himself, swirling his tea. “Makoto won’t tell anyone how you fart whiz cheese.”

          “I do not _flatulate cheese_ ,” Rin clenched out. “And forgive me if I find that hard to believe.”

          “Makoto is a nice boy, Rin,” Haru contended.

          “So everyone says. I’ve yet to see any corroborating evidence.”

          “Well, I like to slap his ass while we do it, which, he also enjoys,” Haru proffered, “but I keep missing and hitting his lower back, and he’s nice enough not to say anything about that, so.”

          “Speaking of a hit or miss,” Rin broke in, “would you be interested in a triple date tonight?”

          “That doesn’t sound like anything you’d come up with.”

          “That’s because it wasn’t me. It was Nagisa.”

          “Makes sense.”

          “It’s at this place called Longitude 360,” Rin said. “Interested?”

          “Never heard of it.” Haru took a draught of tea. “What kind of place is it?”

          “It’s like this half-restaurant, half adult-entertainment kind of venue,” Rin expounded, resuming his crunching. “I heard the food is good.”

          “Strippers?” Haru queried, interest piqued.

          Rin snorted. “I wish. More like bowling lanes, an arcade and something called a ‘playcenter.’”

          “I guess I’m down,” Haru said slowly. “I don’t have any plans tonight. Makoto mentioned something about buying a grapefruit, but I think it can wait.”

          “Oh, so that’s Makoto’s food of choice?” Rin sounded surprised. “Impressive. Make sure he uses a condom with it.”

          “What?”

          There was a small beep just before Makoto’s voice resonated over the line. “Haru, I know you’re having fun talking with Rin, but my thighs are getting cold. Also, I can’t find my diary, can you help me look for it?”

          “Oh. Okay,” Haru said, taking up the other mug and using his shoulder to hold the phone as he approached the stairs. “Hold on a minute. Rin, I’ll see you later.”

          “Six o’ clock sharp,” Rin masticated, then hung up.

          Haru carefully made his way back to the bedroom, tea in hand. “Makoto. Do you want to go on a group date tonight?”

          “Oh, Haru,” Makoto crooned, graciously accepting his mug. “I thought you’d never ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me as marinoxx or marinoxxycontin on tumblr!


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